Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
