when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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