1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The maid of honor just puked.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
