Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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