yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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