I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
