im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
