I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
