Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
