Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
