...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
