Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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