The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
