Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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