my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
