So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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