Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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