Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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