haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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