Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
