go do what you do best...puke behind churches
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
