Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
