like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
