Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
