i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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