4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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