then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
