hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
