I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
