I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
try to milk me bitch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
