im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
