I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
