In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I wish there were birth control emojis
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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