Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
