I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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