what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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