just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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