So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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