He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
