Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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