sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
