Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
