And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
