There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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