why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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