I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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