well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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