I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
