I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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