I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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